Zombie Survival Guide

In keeping with the zombie theme my channel has had for the last few weeks I thought I’d start something akin to a Zombie Survival Guide where we figure out what the different options are for surviving a zombie apocalypse.  Perhaps once a month I’ll propose a new scenario where we discuss the best ways to go about surviving the potential disaster.  I’ll make sure to provide a brief outline so everyone is working with similar resources and background knowledge.  After a few days of discussion I’ll take the most clever/funny/strategic views back to the youtubes and spread them to the world!

Without further ado, here’s the first scenario and ground rules….

Seeing as how this is the first scenario I’ll define how the zombies work and then give a time frame for this first segment.

Zombies – The two main options here are mainly to go with either Romero’s Z’s or something closer to the “Zombies” we find in 28 days later.  For reasons that I’ll be more willing to divulge later on, I’m going to go with Romero style Zombies.  These are probably the most common and the Z’s everyone is already familiar with.  They’re about as fast as someone walking at reasonably quick pace, but that can change based on how damaged they are.

Our Z’s tend to infect survivors via bites, but it is possible to also get infected with scratches as well.  It’s presently unknown how great their vision is or if it’s enhanced by becoming a Zombie, but it’s understood that they do tend to triangulate positions based on sound and other Zombies wailing away.

The time and duration it takes someone to change from a human into a zombie is poorly understood, but has been known to range from a period as short as 30 minutes all the way up to several days.  The only way to permanently incapacitate one of our Zombies is not just with a head shot or head wound, but it has to be a disabling brain injury.

The backdrop for this first zombie scenario is present day America with mixed reports coming in over the news of various individuals who appear to coming “back” from the dead.  It’s unclear how legitimate these claims are as the idea of a zombie attack is something straight out of the movies.  However, the sheer number and variety of these reports is quickly becoming something you can’t ignore.

You’re a 20 something young adult who presently lives alone in a 1 bedroom apartment on the border of a college town.  You’re in between classes at the moment and have taken up a rather routine and somewhat boring job of becoming a store clerk while  you decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.  Your closest family members are around 900 miles away and you have never been great at making friends but you have a few people in your area who you hang out with from time to time.

For all intents and purposes you’re a fairly average human being without any exceptional physical or mental characteristics.  You’re no slouch, but you’ve never been known as a brain bank either.  The most valuable belonging you own is probably a tie between the beat up junker that you loosely refer to as a “vehicle” and your video game console.

Based on the influx of reports coming in you’ve decided that you aren’t willing to sit around and let the world go to shit while you stand by a watch.  You estimate that you have around 1 to 1 and 1/2 weeks to prepare.  What do you do?

WHAT DO YOU DO?!

 

Note: Just to make sure I’m absolutely clear, this first scenario deals solely with what you would do if you were given roughly a week and a half to prepare for a possible shit storm.  Nothing more, nothing less.

60 comments

  1. Go to the nearest gunstore and get weapons, before heading to a supermarket and buying food. Then you would need to find a better vehicle (possibly a school bus or cement truck) and find a small group of others with complimentary skills. Then head to an area just outside the town and board shit up.

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  2. Ok, firstly i agree withe zombie choice :)

    First, im gonna find someone who i know has a great deal of food. (Shop owner etc.)
    After that, the next priority is a weapon, as generally, i think you could hide for long enough for food to be an issue, so in the long run, food > weapons.
    So for a weapon, im looking for something along the lines of a crowbar, useful for killing shit, and also opening doors.
    Guns, Knives, and Crossbows are overrated imo, though a backup would be helpful.
    So ive good my food dude, my crowbar from my garage or wherever, as for the gun/ ranged weapon, you didnt specify where in the US we are, so im going for deep south, so i can just acquire a gun 😀
    Then im gathering as much food as i can, and driving out into the swamps, looking for some kind of shelter, a cave, an old log cabin w/ basement, where i intend to hold up with the shopkeeper, until i have to kill him, eat him, then top myself.

    Would love to hear your views :)

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  3. ’28 days later’ not technically a zombie film (just nit-picky pantsing) and i think the obvious thing to do is go to a theme park. It worked for those people in that one film i kinda saw half of.

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  4. Check the traffic reports, or if they’re not available, see if you can see the closest big road. If it’s open, get the fuck out of dodge somewhere rural after the gear’s sorted. If it’s clogged up, get ready to hunker down. If you have to hunker down, buy plenty of bottled water, batteries, a portable generator of some kind, tinned food, plenty of vitamin supplements, basic medicines, some water purification tablets and some recreational tools, e.g yo-yo, books (recreational or practical), jump rope (added benefit of fitness), some exercise gear and buy some portable construction tools (avoid the toolbox, it’s big, bulky, and weighs a lot, go for a good utility belt if you can find it). If you have a gun license and cash left over, buy a gun or two and silencers, and plenty of ammo, and a gun maintenance kit. Sort out 2-3 weapons you’ll carry at all times (1 melee, one gun, one spare of your own choice) and a ‘Shit’s gone to hell’ bag that holds a few essentials if you have to bug out. Scout the building, check all exits and possible backup escape routes, and if you have a lot of supplies and you live above the ground floor, destroy the stairs. Set up a way to cover any windows that will leak light. If you have to bug out, carry a melee tool that doubles as a weapon E.G hatchet, hammer, machete, although the crowbar is an amazing choice. Pick a gun with a popular calibre that’s reliable and can destroy a brain in one shot. Carry tinned food, water, salt tablets, ammo, 2-3 weapons, your kit for maintaining your guns, a flashlight and anything else you deem essential. Wear tight fitting, comfy clothes that either has camo or it is dark, so it can be useful for blending into an environment. Stay away from any roads while travelling, travel in daylight and try to stay in the more rural areas. Stick with small groups if you find other people, and check all of them for bites when you make contact, although how you treat others is up to you. And then, well, let the surviving begin.

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  5. First I would say buy a gun, seeing how the demand for them is so high I would see if I have a friend who has them. Now with that friend (I will explain if there is no friend that has 2+ guns) I will make sure to buy a blunt object. Most people have a baseball bat or a piece wood with nails on it under their bed. I would take those things and try and make a camp somewhere. Now if I do not have a friend with guns; I would A: Try and buy one (which as i said earlier high demand). And At the very least buy an air rifle that can intimidate (kinda like I Am Alive). The next problem is water, the gun situation is the same as water. High in demand, so I will try and buy whatever container possible from any liquid and hope for about 10-15 gallons of water. The next thing is very crucial, 1-3 dildos, but really seeing how water will run short depending on how many people I am with. I will buy as many iodine tablets as possible. This is in case of running out of water and I am alone (or with 1 or 2 more people. I can purify lake or river water. Now here comes the food issue. I think that grabbing as much beef jerky and vienna sausages in a store. Maybe some high calorie chips. Nothing that can parish. I might want to make a camp some where. Have a car where Buddies and I can escape. Which if worst comes to worst we post up on stop of a tall building that is secluded which can keep the zombies out, I might also go to the rural part of where ever I am or the mountains. Also, it’s firework season so defiantly want a good supply of those so I can scare of any zombies. Or provide for a distraction. Hope that wasn’t too long. Also hope I didn’t get to carried away.

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  6. First I would acquire a feasible amount of food and water at least enough to last for several weeks along with other necessary items (clothes, gasoline for my vehicle,radio, etc.), along with some sort of weapon ideally something like a metal baseball bat or a medium caliber pistol if available. I would propose the idea of leaving the area to my group of friends and if any agree I would depart as soon as possible utilizing back roads and cutting through sparsely populated areas to avoid the infected, gathering any essential supplies as we went along. If possible I would try to make contact with my family, however due to there less than convenient proximity a “rescue mission” would not be in any feasible. My end game would be one of two options, either finding a secure location (an abandoned cabin or house in an isolated area) and fortifying it against potential infected assault and simply waiting out the worst of the infection there, making regular trips into various towns in order to scrounge for food and water, the other option being to simply continue traveling at all times in an effort to avoid the infection entirely.

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  7. Purchase a gun and one bullet.

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  8. Since it’s so goddam easy to be turned into a zombie, one of the best strategies is preventative in practice and that would mean a bit of isolation would be a good way of avoiding a shitstorm. I would try to find a few people that I absolutely trust to help me, since one thing we have to worry about is the insanity that can follow due to the stress and gradual loss of human interaction. We’d set up base in a less populated and generally unknown area so that people wouldn’t know of our whereabouts. Hopefully we could find a place near some hidden areas of emergency supplies and shelter.

    One of the first things I would do is get all of the money I have and get cash out of it. Once things go to hell people might still rely on some form of currency for trades. I would take all of the money I have now and use it on non perishable food and bottled water. I would take cans and barrels of gasoline, probably as much as I could get my hands on. I would make sure I have a working car that is in tip top shape with plenty of room for people and supplies if need be. A few generators wouldn’t hurt, if electricity ever went down, and the use for generators are plenty. I would get all this now because when the zombies start becoming more prevalent riots would break out and people would start turning against each other. Facilities and stuff like that wouldn’t be regulated anymore and supplies would be harder to reach. I would get things like I were going on a backpacking trip, enough supplies to live off basic needs (like beds, some cooking materials, warm/protective clothing, etc.). I’d drop by the drug store and stock up on regular meds and basic stuff like vitamins. Communication would be vital and I would get myself some walkie talkies, a good radio, and a shitload of batteries. I can probably go on for days listing stuff I would prepare with :/

    As for weapons, I would grab some good old metal baseball bats. Considering the zombies won’t be actively dodging a swing of a bat like a normal human, a good strong, blunt, and sturdy object would be ideal. You would want to be able to keep them away from you, with at least arms distance. Hell even most gardening tools would be ideal weapons (like shovels) since they provide a certain range where zombies have a hard time getting to you. If I had access to something like a gun that would be amazing, though I don’t believe firearms are the best way with dealing with zombies. The noise probably attracts them and you have to have some dead on aim to kill them anyway. It’s much easier to swing a bat in the general direction of a zombie and just get it away from you. Plus when being overrun a firearm is usually and single target weapons and thus ineffective in that situation. However, it would be good to have for humans. I would imagine that with the riots and everything people would be trying their hardest to get supplies and stuff. Having a firearm would be persuasion to keep back rioters and looters.

    Also, I would download all the porn on internet I could get my hands on. I would use the generator for electricity for my computer or something and just fap whenever I needed to. This would probably be better if I downloaded manuals to basic survival, like how to fix a car, or how to give proper medical attention, but JEEZ imagine going all this time without porn!

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  9. The basic problem with this scenario is that you are very limited on resources. Even allies are not easy to get as you are a person who doesn’t have many friends.

    First off: the interwebz are allpowerful
    Show the people that the rumors are true. Get yourself a Facebook group to get as many people on your side as possible. Forums, twitter, reddit etc. all these social media sites will allow you to build an anti-zombie group (lol).

    Second step: resources
    As already mentioned your resources are very limited. Guns are cheap in ‘Murrica. 4th July BTW so congrats on that … I don’t know which state has the most imbalanced weapon laws, but exactly that state is where you will have your central base. Malls are perfect to occupy. A fortress with huge supplies of food. Burger King and Mc Donalds have endless supply of food in their storage.

    Third step: combining things.
    So now we have people who are willing to accompany you in your survival against the undead. You also have a place to stay at for a longer duration. What you do is simple. Your people will simply live in that mall. Barricade yourselfs when the time is right. Don’t do it too early otherwise people will think of this as a terrorist act. Wait for the moment when hell breaks lose.

    Now you have a safe haven for a while. People will try to join your group. You have a whole mall and also a shit ton amount of fire arms. It is essential to pick the people you want in that group. A couple doctors and engineers are the most important part of that group. You can’t allow every refugee to enter your place. Be cold hearted and kill everyone who is bitten. You have to grow a thick skin.

    Now after a couple weeks/months you will have to move out. You should have a pilot by now. You grab a bus just like in “The Walking Dead” (?) and drive to the nearest airport. Safest place to go? Australia? I know these bastards have been always preparing for the zombie apocalypse. They are an island. It is impossible to have zombies there!

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  10. First; ditch the junker for a bike, preferably a mountain bike with a basket or something to hold things in. While I’m much more vulnerable, I am also much more agile and can access alleyways/trails that you wouldn’t be able to access with a car. Also, this completely removes the hunt for gas and resources. Then, I would get supplies. This doesn’t just mean food, it means camping supplies, such as a tent, (1 person so it’s small enough to carry in a backpack) batteries, and maybe even a car battery and some sparkplugs so the possibility of power could be available somehow. For food, stick with canned or preserved choices, as to avoid the possibility of it going bad. For a weapon, Either a compound Bow or melee weapon, such as a machete, crowbar, or axe. The Bow may be hard to use and ammo would be scarce, but it’s totally silent and capable of taking out zombies at long distances. Then you head out on your bike immediately, with all your supplys, sticking to forests or back streets if you can, and camping along the way.

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  11. I get the bigest loan I possible can from banks, friends, enemys and what other options I can loan money from. I sell my console for some shity bucks on the street. I let people beat the shit out of my car for money. I get so many credit cards as possible with each have a limit on hopefully $10000.

    I use a good amount of the loans for a good pickup-truck. I then continues to buy backpack, lighter, small mirror, 20x baked beans, 10x some other canning food, 5x gas cans and a good amount of bottle water. I buy those with my credit cards and buy them from different stores, so I don’t look like a maniac.

    I fill up the gas cans with gas from a random gas station. When I get home to my appartment, I fill up the emtpy coca-cola bottles with water.

    Drives out of town till the next, goes to gun store. Use rest of the loan money to pay “under the table” to the guy behinde the counter for an assault rifle (I would go for M4A1 or something), I buy an silencer that fit my weapon too. I follow that up with 5x magz with 30 bullets each in them.

    I then GTFO out of town and wait. Putting my Bear Grills skills to the test.

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  12. First three things that come to mind are, Sustenance; Method of Transportation; and defence. Seeing as hunting is second nature to me I would first get a wilderness survival pack, some basic gear like Magnesium blocks for making fires, cantines, backpack, compass, map, and a sharpening stone.

    Transportation would either be a bicycle, or just a really good pair of boots.

    Defence, you’d obviously need a melee weapon, machete would work fine. My sidearm would be the Glock 22, lots of ammo for it and it’s a very reliable pistol. And for a ranged rifle it would definitely have to be my AK47 (and my scope if needed). Most reliable rifle ever made and surprisingly very popular in the States. Also if you ran out of bullets it makes a very good club.

    Then I’d wait outside of a military airbase and shoot people who go into the control tower and steal their beans.

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  13. Easy scenario. Most amateurs are going to flood to the gun and grocery stores for resources as well as weapons, making a week and a half notice nothing more than a scavenger hunt.

    Seeing as how this is only a preparation scenario, I’ll focus solely on a game plan and resources.

    First things first:
    SUPPLIES
    Seeing as how blood and saliva are the only ways of infection, the first order of business is protection. You don’t need a knight’s armor to stop a bite so a trip to a store that sells leather clothing is a must, so off to the local BDSM sex shop we go for our leather one-piece(prefferably it’s a zip up). Of course our budget is tight and with the coming apocalypse, desperate times call for desperate measures – we steal the leather onesy and if that slacker, gothic shop manager has anything to say about it, we start foaming at the mouth and approach them while groaning “brraaaiins”. No one said we couldn’t use the zombie scare to our advantage.

    Seeing as how my game plan involves not bunkering down(later to be explained), we are going to need a traveling pack for our future adventure of plundering other survivor’s goods. A normal school backpack is exactly what we need considering a hiking pack is much too big and would only slow me down considering I plan to move silently and quickly. This is easy to acquire since we were previously enrolled in college.

    Now that we’re leather-clad and have our pack, our next goal is a weapon. Most would go for a firearm, but the last thing you want when battling a zombie is to attract more zombies. Besides, bullets aren’t renewable and without any pockets on our persons, it would just be a hassle to get out of our backpack when under attack. What I need is more than one weapon, mostly for utility. A hunting knife for cutting obstacles and other survivors in their sleep as well as small animals as I trap them. The knife will never be used for zombies so that their infection isn’t carried into my food. The second weapon is also a melee weapon, except this one is a fireaxe that I can use to not only to open doors but to silently decapitate zombies should they notice and approach me. I cleverly obtained these items when I sounded the fire alarm at the local college by setting the cadaver lab on fire then lifted it off the fire truck in the confusion. The knife can be cheaply purchased from a sporting goods store, but why buy it when we can steal it?

    Now that we’re armed and while at the sporting goods store, we stuff our packs with an 8×8 weather resitant tarp, boots, county maps, night vision goggle(batteries included) and a book detailing the county’s local flora & fauna. We then kill the cashier and walk out, because thats one less zombie or potential threat to any resources I may need in the future.

    We are now properly supplied and equipped to begin planning our next move.

    GAME PLAN
    With little time left, I gather my gear and leave town, avoiding populated areas. I go by foot as any other form of transportation would attract too much attention from both zombies and looters. I head to the nearest ‘wilderness’ where we survive off of the ‘edibles’ that our book from the sporting goods store details. I then await the ensuing chaos while avoiding contact with any zombies and stalking the living until they fall asleep, that’s when I slaughter them and steal their baked beans.
    I only unzip my onesy to go to the bathroom or expose myself to scare off approaching survivors. I mostly sleep during the day, covering my tarp with mud and leaves as it disguises me.
    You must be asking yourself ‘Why? Why be such a ruthless loner?”
    You want to know why? Because I’ve seen what you consider ‘civil’ and ‘humanity’ and clueless, airheaded jocks throwing me in a dumpster for six years all the while calling me cruel names like “Oscar the Grouch” and “Gum Dumpster” are what you allow apart of society. I get to sit behind a counter getting yelled at by a ‘civil’ overweight mom who’s kids wont stop asking for candy, all because we dont carry her favorite brand of hemroid cream. So I decided I would eradicate all those ‘humane’ if the apocalypse didnt get them first. MHWUAHAHAHAHA!!

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  14. Machete, water filter(s) with container, canned food, screw driver, bicycle, XDM 5.25 with suppressor (with both .45 and 9mm barrel), whetstone, and the most important thing, agricultural book(s) with variety of seeds to setup a farm.
    I would also wear really dark clothes and probably travel in the evening to prevent being spotted by other survivers.
    Place to stay, in the forest / jungle, where it’s easily accessible to river and a place to setup a simple farm. (and to build tree house to live in)
    Geographical location, somewhere like Georgia? with few people and a easier to live with weather… Not too humid, with few natural disaster potential?
    Might not be too concern about maps, they might not be that useful when apocalypse comes… and matches? might be useful, but eventually, it’s all up to flint and steel…
    The 2 barrels thingy is because you can simply swap out the barrel for whatever ammo you find, .38special, .45 ACP, 9mm, they are all very common and not as loud, extremely useful, and the XDM 5.25 because it’s extremely accurate and is made by springfield armory, a well known gun manufacturer. I can already headshot static targets, sized a water melon at a range of 100m, prone. So, I won’t be bothered with a rifle… Like I need to shoot something further than that… BTW, I can shoot a pupil sized target at 25m, down at range, prone. So yea, I am pretty good at shooting.

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  15. Cpt Cuntstuffer

    Pull a Bill Murray. Then go back to playing video games, reading video-game blogs, and watching porn.

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  16. Hopefully one of those people I occasionally hang out with is a Mormon. If so, he/she is the first person I call up, asking If they would be interested in teaming up. Your typical Mormon’s food storage would be a valuable asset in a zombie outbreak. I would then give my parents a call, telling them I love them and that I hope they stay safe, knowing I may never see them again.

    I take inventory of the things I already have that could aid me in survival. If I do not already have the ten essentials: A map of the area, a compass, sunglasses and sunscreen, extra food, water, and clothing, a headlamp (with extra batteries), first aid kit, fire-starters, and a survival knife or multitool, I purchase them ASAP. I check my workplace’s stock to see if they have any of the items in question. I also buy some reliable boots and synthetic clothing worthy of the great outdoors, as well as a pair of safety glasses and a neckerchief to help protect my face when things get bloody. I begin to read up on wilderness survival and I study basic first-aid. I get a guide to the outdoors of my area.

    Next I search for a worthy assortment of tools and weapons. Preferably I find a crowbar or a machete for my go-to melee weapon, and a reliable rifle in a common caliber as a firearm, such as an M-1 Carbine or a member of the AK family, as well as ammo for whichever I end up with, but not so much that I can’t carry it in a backpack. Hopefully my local Cabella’s-esque store stocks these items.

    I head home, watch the news for updates, and wait for an opportunity to head over to my Mormon friend’s house.

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  17. First thing is first, is make homemade bombs. Go to the nearest Krispy Kreme, in the early hours (cops all over the place), threaten to bomb the place, demand cop’s weapons. Take guns and high jack a Krispy Kreme truck full of Krispy Kreme. Go to the Gym, but instead demand treadmills. Place threadmills facing outward outside of house. Zombies never get in as long as treadmills are running. Zombies die of starvation, krispy kreme for life and guns for extra protection. Missions accomplished.

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  18. Go to walmart, get a 10-22 and a couple boxes of 500 rounds.

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  19. Probably follow a short seminar on how to become a crazy mad scientist and then find a cure to the Zombie apocalyps. Killing 300 million zombies seems a bit too…challenging…

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  20. First thing I do is get the biggest loan I can so I can buy everything I need hopefully. Next I call up my buddy who seems like he could survive in the wilderness and get him with me. Then I will need to buy a full hiking outfit with the backpack, utility belt, and boots and fill the backpack half up with juice and half Chef Boyardee. I will make sure the utility belt has all sorts of goodies in it too.

    Now for weapons. I want to have a Personal Defense Weapon that folds up and can fit into a holster. Don’t forget the ammo either, it’s kind of important. Next for the melee weapon. I would probably want a Sword that can stab and slice along with a sharpening stone to make sure I can chop their heads off in one slice.

    For transport I would get an electric scooter because they make very little noise and have a place to store things. In order to power it I will need a portable generator and some fuel that will be stored in my future home.

    That home will be somewhere secluded. Seeing as how you didn’t specify exactly where I live then I want to live somewhere that has a reasonable sized city but that is not far from a large forest and deserted area. I will find a small clearing in the forest and make a small hut with my buddy.

    Now that we are set up we will make ventures into the city to get more food and we will also hunt in the forest using my buddy’s crossbow (did I mention he had one? :P) Hopefully we will survive long enough to find women and begin building our own society with me and my buddy as gods. Before I kill him… hehehe >:)

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  21. also

    THE HIGGS BOSON!!!!!! cool

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  22. Although it is much more boring than becoming a zombie hunter, the best option for survival would be to bunker down and be a survivalist. Here is how I would begin:
    If a zombie apocalypse was eminent, I would first sell all possessions that are expendable and not useful for my survival. The next choice of action would be to gain as much water and non-perishable food items as it was possible to transport in my car. Knives, matches and first-aid supplies are a must. Also, I would purchase books that included basic first-aid and hunting/outdoor survival skills.
    Next important would be the acquisition of weapons. There are three categories I would follow: Close(melee), Medium, and Long range. Close range is mostly based on personal preference, I myself would enjoy dispatching zombies with sharp weapons like a samurai sword but I can respect someone’s opinion to use blunt weapons like a metal baseball bat. Medium range I would get a reliable pistol and for long range a scoped small caliber rifle. If it were possible I would get weapons with the same caliber ammo, for example a .22 pistol and .22 rifle. Silencers for these weapons would be a plus. Buy as much ammo as you can afford.
    The third step is location, location, location. Since we can assume that zombies react the same in cold weather as regular humans do, I would advise moving as far north as possible. It would be no problem getting across the border because the American government would soon fall. The government cant even handle day-to-day normal life, do you honestly think the government could handle the shitstorm of a zombie apocalypse? no. If possible try to find a secluded cabin or other inhabitable place. Any zombies that tried to migrate north to find food would soon freeze and become incapacitated.
    Then after a reasonably long time( at least over 5 years assuming you have survived that long) it will be safe to begin to slowly move south for two reasons. The first reason is natural decay of a zombie’s body. With this length of time a majority of zombies will have decayed to a point where their mobility is severely handicapped and are rendered much less lethal. The second reason is due to the huge zombie population and their limited food source(us) zombies will have either needed to resort to cannibalism or have just ceased to function. I would then commence and take great pleasure in annihilating the remaining zombies. Hopefully you’re not the last human alive cause that would suck ass.

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  23. Menphis:
    First thing is first, is make homemade bombs. Go to the nearest Krispy Kreme, in the early hours (cops all over the place), threaten to bomb the place, demand cop’s weapons. Take guns and high jack a Krispy Kreme truck full of Krispy Kreme. Go to the Gym, but instead demand treadmills. Place threadmills facing outward outside of house. Zombies never get in as long as treadmills are running. Zombies die of starvation, krispy kreme for life and guns for extra protection. Missions accomplished.

    Yeah yeah, seen this scenario on failblog.

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  24. On the first sentence of the seventh paragraph beginning with “The backdrop,” there’s a typo: “be” is missing from the sentence with “…news of various individuals who appear to coming ‘back’ from the dead.”

    Just a quirk.

    I’ll post a well constructed answer shortly.

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  25. First off, distance yourself from all females. Cause much like bears, zombies are attracted by periods. A week and a half? Don’t bother getting a gun license, go to the college and ask for the engineering building, explain your situation to them and they will let you in on their top secret weapon design projects! Grab one of these, let’s say lasers and go home. Remember that batman utility belt you got when you were twelve? Time to fetch that bad boy from the bottom of your closet. Food wise, stock up on only perishables, once they rot, the smell will hide you from all zombies, and your stomach will get stronger as you eat it. If time allows, go to a local campsite (or music festival). Find an RV with a generator and you guessed it, steal that shit. Go home, hook up the pc to the generator and bam, set for any apocalypse. Enjoy!

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  26. That Asian Fella

    How ironic. I stumble upon this as I’m watching Zombieland 😀

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  27. Well first off I’d say to anyone who wants to be friends and hang around together to fuck right off. I ain’t having any of that “I got bitten but am scared to tell anyone bullshit”. The first sign of anyone in my vicinity even having a cough and that would be curtains for them.

    I wouldn’t go to the mall or supermarket as that tends to be a bad place to hold up or haven’t you seen the ten million zombie movies in malls, let me give you the heads up… it ends badly.

    I’d go rural on my own with a kettle, a blunt instrument of some kind preferably with range like a bat and some MRE’s id acquire from the army surplus stores. I’d ransack every building i came to for new supplies that I’d need whilst killing as many brain eating fuckers along the way as I could.

    Eventually I’d settle down in some kind of compound that I could barricade up, with a generator that I could power through treadmills and about a thousand zombies walking on them. I’d occasionally go recon local areas for new food and water whenever it was required.

    My end would inevitably come when some super fine chick comes onto me only to turn and eat my face off during coitus. I’m a sap for the good looking ones.

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  28. Find Bruce. Friendship Brigade engage.

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  29. Well, as an actual college student on the verge of stripping my way through college(I need to by a macbook pro as a requirement). First I would go and buy enough food to carry with me(non nonperishable). I would then go to my colleges Kendo dojo that I am a part of and grab my bokken. Now because I am extremely poor I can’t afford a sword but I do have at least two bokken(hardwood practice swords). I would also try and make some makeshift armor for places that might be bitten, like forearms. I would then abandon my car because it probably makes too much noise anyway and travel on foot accross country to my loved ones. I would also avoid large towns and cities in order to avoid infected. After I found all of my loved ones we would find a place to bunker down and try to sustain ourselves.

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  30. 1. Find a man that can cook and has lots of food, and a gardener to make food
    2. buy lots of food(canned goods are a plus), bottled water etc.
    3. get chickens and a cow for dairy
    4. acquire crowbar(very versatile)
    5. cooking supplies required
    6. rural area (nice and quiet)
    7. Get new vehicle (along with a fuel stockpile)
    8. bring few friends (preferably not infected)
    9. make a strong fence bordering the house
    10. make a garden
    11. generator of electricity (ie. windmill)
    12. last but certainly not least, earplugs (the moaning of zombies would make me go insane.)

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  31. Obviouslyadouche

    Rape everything, zombies, people,cats, dogs everything and become so powerful from all the rape that you ascend to the power level of a god and torment the world as, THE GOD OF RAPE.

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  32. Cody:
    Don’t bother getting a gun license

    Here is america, at least the non-commy states, you don’t need a “gun license”. Owning guns is a right in america, a license turns it into a privilege.

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  33. Stock up on food and buy a shit-tonne of treadmills and place them outside facing away from the house. Turn them all up to max speed once the apocalypse begins. Not going to rack up a massive kill count, but the zombie fucktards are just going to step on the treadmills and fly right off. Your house is impenetrable, so just sit back and relax while the military takes care of the outbreak.

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  34. WingedSwine:
    Stock up on food and buy a shit-tonne of treadmills and place them outside facing away from the house. Turn them all up to max speed once the apocalypse begins. Not going to rack up a massive kill count, but the zombie fucktards are just going to step on the treadmills and fly right off. Your house is impenetrable, so just sit back and relax while the military takes care of the outbreak.

    Couldn’t you have come up with something original?

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  35. Love all of these so far everyone, great stuff

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  36. Pat: Couldn’t you have come up with something original?

    Originality isn’t going to save you from a horde of the undead.

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  37. WingedSwine: Originality isn’t going to save you from a horde of the undead.

    It’s more fun though.

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  38. With my bad luck, I’d be the black guy who always dies.

    Cody: zombies are attracted by periods.

    LOL!! I’m fucked.

    Putting it in a few words, I’d make my way to an oil platform (avoiding walking long distances while on my period, as I don’t want to attract zombies xDDD). Everyone knows zombies can’t swim, so they can’t reach you there. And also, oil platforms usually contain facilities to house the workfers, and have food stored for months.

    Few weapons needed in my case: a hunting knife (not for zombies), a steel pipe/baseball bat (in case I need to hit someone before running), and maybe a gun, just in case I find myself in a really difficult situation.
    Avoiding zombies and running when needed seems more secure to me than killing every single zombie (even if killing them sounds incredibly fun). Furthermore, guns make a lot of noise, even if you use a suppressor, zombies will love the melody.
    And let’s not forget we are a pretty boring human being, we never shoot a gun before, so the noise of the firing gun will make us deaf for a short/long/whoknows… time. We need our ears as much as our legs to survive, so that’s something to take in count.

    If nothing of this helps, I suposse I can dance Thriller and wait for the zombies to join me.

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  39. Day 1 : You head to the bank and take out all the savings you have .
    Day 2 : Head to the gun store and buy a shotgun with roughly 100 slugs. Also you buy a handgun with as many clips as you can afford and a machete.
    Day 3 : Go to the supermarket and buy crates of bottled water, tinned food, a torch and LOTS of batteries.
    Day 4 : Get some chain link fencing and strap it to your car like body armour.
    Day 5 : Call your family and try to convince them to stock up on food and water and to board up the house.
    Day 6 : On your way to an abandoned house a few miles out of town you stop by a hardware store and buy a lot of 2×4’s, nails and a hammer. When leaving the city you pick up any hitchhikers (after checking for bites) who may be useful. You reach the house and immediately bring in the previsions and begin to board up the house.
    Day 7 : Bring it on Zombitches!

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  40. I would start off with selling all the stuff, I couldn’t bring along, (such as gaming console, fridge, appartment etc.) and then buy a reliable, but not too clumsy gun, such as a shotgun, carbine, handgun or fully auto pistol, and lots of ammo for it. After this I would by a large backpack and rations. Then I would steal a strong vehicle, a bus, truck or even, if possible, tank or humvee. I would contact the people I normally hung out with to see if they wanted to tag along with me. If they did I would say I was ready, if not I would keep looking for people I know I would be able to trust, or people with skills that would come in handy, such as: gun-handling, engineering or mechanics. Lastly I would contact family and ask them to seek out places away from civilization, or if they are able to, get on a ship, and gather lots of supplies.

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  41. The oil rig thing is a bit iffy, without the workforce the place falls apart and everything starts breaking, and with the workforce the supplies are burned up very quickly and the risk of infection is much higher. Plus when supplies run dry you’re pretty much fucked, there’s no potential for proper farming facilities so all food is limited and you’d have to boat back to a mainland area.

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  42. @Glock Ocelot
    Yeah, I thought about some of the things you said before, but it’s not my idea to stay there until the apocalypse ends. All I need is a place to stay for a while until I decide what to do after seeing how the zombies act, people die and blahblahblah. Because I love killing zombies in videogames (and in this scenario, I’m a normal person who isn’t even interested in survival horror), but I’d be terrified after seeing them on the streets. And it would take me more than a week to get used to… everything.
    In my case there’s no place I want to stay for a long time, I’d be a nomad.

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  43. First off, and obviously, acquire supplies to an extent of at least 6 months, (including canned food, water etc). Second, acquire some sort of self defense. A PDW and a machete or a crowbar would be suitable. Ammunition and a sharpening tool from the nearest sporting goods store, or a gun store. Third, some basic supplies, such as a flashlight, batteries, can opener, a flare gun, (it would be clearly visible from a helicopter), and finally, some extra gas cans. Fourth, get a fuel efficient car, either by stealing it, or finding one on the side of the road. Load up the car, and head north. Zombies are much less active in the cold, and therefore pose a smaller threat. Find some sort of cabin a mile or two away from a small town, and set up shop. Whatever zombies in the town would have either deteriorated, or have been rendered useless by the lack of energy in the form of food or heat. Fifth, wait it out. Any government would have collapsed by now along with the military. Any supplies needed would be scavenged from the nearby town. (forgot to mention to bring insulated socks, a heavy coat, and a rain jacket, along with jeans and a sweatshirt for when it warms up a little in the spring and summer.) Step 6, live a long and prosperful zombie ass kicking life.

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  44. Glock Ocelot:
    Check the traffic reports, or if they’re not available, see if you can see the closest big road. If it’s open, get the fuck out of dodge somewhere rural after the gear’s sorted. If it’s clogged up, get ready to hunker down. If you have to hunker down, buy plenty of bottled water, batteries, a portable generator of some kind, tinned food, plenty of vitamin supplements, basic medicines, some water purification tablets and some recreational tools, e.g yo-yo, books (recreational or practical), jump rope (added benefit of fitness), some exercise gear and buy some portable construction tools (avoid the toolbox, it’s big, bulky, and weighs a lot, go for a good utility belt if you can find it). If you have a gun license and cash left over, buy a gun or two and silencers, and plenty of ammo, and a gun maintenance kit. Sort out 2-3 weapons you’ll carry at all times (1 melee, one gun, one spare of your own choice) and a ‘Shit’s gone to hell’ bag that holds a few essentials if you have to bug out. Scout the building, check all exits and possible backup escape routes, and if you have a lot of supplies and you live above the ground floor, destroy the stairs. Set up a way to cover any windows that will leak light. If you have to bug out, carry a melee tool that doubles as a weapon E.G hatchet, hammer, machete, although the crowbar is an amazing choice. Pick a gun with a popular calibre that’s reliable and can destroy a brain in one shot. Carry tinned food, water, salt tablets, ammo, 2-3 weapons, your kit for maintaining your guns, a flashlight and anything else you deem essential. Wear tight fitting, comfy clothes that either has camo or it is dark, so it can be useful for blending into an environment. Stay away from any roads while travelling, travel in daylight and try to stay in the more rural areas. Stick with small groups if you find other people, and check all of them for bites when you make contact, although how you treat others is up to you. And then, well, let the surviving begin.

    wow you’re talking about spending thousands upon thousands of dollars in the first half of your plan. what 20 year old store clerk do you know has that kind of money in hand.

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  45. At this point I don’t think Waldodude could cope with any apocalypse other than zombies.

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  46. First, gather any of your acquaintances that are trustworthy and tell them (including yourself) to go to the nearst gun store to buy pistols and a couple of shotguns with ammo, hiker backpacks filled with nonperishable food, water, medical supplies, compas, map, nature survival book (to live off the land), and water filter bottles. Cash in all money by selling the game system and other miscellaneous possessions (likewise for friends) to buy supplies, and siphon gas out of junker to use as a bargaining chip for any hostile survivors with cars or someone with a gas powered electrical fence. Also try to make “swords” out of the metal of the junker just in case the ammo runs out.

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  47. So, based on the scenario given from the rabbit hole video on YouTube we are assuming the following (in addition to the information on the website):
    • We live outside a college town in Oregan
    • We make about $45,000 annually
    • We have a beat up car and a bike
    • We live in a 1 bedroom apartment
    With that said here is my plan. Since I only make $45,000 let’s say I’ve been saving 10% for personal use ($4,500) and that is all I have available to me. I would first sell the car seeing as zombies are attracted to noise and keep the bike. Lets say someone actually buys the car for around $1,000 – $2,000. I would then buy the following:
    – Knife
    – Shovel
    – Rope
    – Tarp
    – Cheap pistol
    – 2 gun magazines
    – Large backpack
    – Flashlight
    – Week worth of food (non-perishables of course)
    – Winter clothing
    With all of that taken care of I would use any leftover money to pay for medical supplies. Finally the plan is to survive in the wilderness or just outside of town unti thel initial wave of infection passes then scavenge from small towns or cities.

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  48. I imagine this average Joe store clerk is screwed. From the scenario presented society is still functioning so you can’t just start looting resources and you certainly can’t afford everything you will need for the coming apocalypse.
    I think the only chance this guy has is to get a couple of buddies together and combine resources. Obviously food and water are very important, water is pretty cheap these days and you could fill old milk jugs with tap water. You are about an hour from Epicenter Supplies, as society is still up and running you and your buddies pool your money drive down Eugene and buy as many MRE’s as possible. After you get back with the food sell your car for whatever you can get…cash, supplies, anything useful.
    The most dangerous part of a zombie apocalypse is the time when things break down, when people get desperate and start to realize that everyone is fucked. Lets assume our minimum wage hero lives on the third floor (you’re boned if you live on the first floor as every other douche bag is going to try to get in). Barricade the door, bar or board the windows (close the curtains) and when the shit hits the fan disappear(hide), don’t be the guy handing out water or directing traffic, don’t tell your neighbors that you’ve been stocking up. In fact, go the other way, if you see people let them know you have nothing and will be heading to Canada asap. A gun would be great if you can get your hands on one (according to wikipedia Oregon has some pretty loose gun laws so you or one of your buddies may already have one), but I wouldn’t break the bank buying one. Instead, guard the door with a baseball bat or ax or any simple weapon. Don’t initiate contact with anyone, if they break in you have to fight them off but don’t go looking for trouble.
    If you get your food, water and security taken care of quickly and you find yourself with a few extra dollars and a couple days before it starts to get iffy go get some books and board games, you and your buddies will go nuts without something to do.
    When all hell breaks loose you and your buddies hunker down, stay quiet, keep the lights off and hope you make it through the shit storm.

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  49. Make a suit out of old tires that would protect me from bites and scratches :)

    But in all seriousness I would stock up on as much food and clean water as I could. As for weapons, well I’d rather a samurai sword than a firearm or at least something that’s stealthy. Try to make some trustworthy and ‘of benefit’ (preferably with survival skills and maybe one with a boat) friends that can cover my ass and help out when the shitstorm ensues. Would chuck my gear in my car with the bicycle strapped on top (friends would have other vehicles of course). Map out routes to either

    a) High ground (ie mountain range)
    or
    b) Habitable island.

    Where there’s not many people there shouldn’t be too many zombies.

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  50. In the video he said that he earned about minimum wage which in a very rough estimate between 15,000 to highest about 20,000. So if you go by 10% it is 2,000 spending money at most. I would first go to a library and find general books on survival, books on the wildlife of the pacific northwest and possibly the midwest also. I would use some money to buy a knife at least and try to find a pistol preferably a durable one like a Glock which are also fairly cheap. Haven’t looked at Oregon gun laws so sorry if that is unrealistic. If worst comes to worst there is a martial arts club really close so just borrow some nun-chucks. Get supplies like:
    Potable water tablets
    Flashlight
    Matches
    Batteries
    Extra set of clothes
    Backpack to hold it all in
    Fish hooks
    Fishing pole
    Bath salts( to try and reverse the effects in case you get bitten, or how ever it’s transferred)
    6 extra gallons of gas
    Sleeping bag
    Utility knife
    The previously mentioned Glock
    Reasonable amount of ammunition
    Rope
    Shitload of canned food and poptarts
    I have no idea where to go but I’m tempted to sit in the golf course and steal a golf cart to save fuel.

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  51. Bat into tissues and throw them at passerbies.

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  52. Here’s what I would do or have our character do in the listed circumstances. I would have them sell their console, probably a beat up PS3 or XBOX can got for maybe 175. With this extra money and whatever else can be scraped together with the minimum wage job, purchases of hot commodities will have to be made. First necessities such as a lot of bottled water, imperishable foods (such as grains, wheats, oats, seeds, nuts, canned fruits or vegetables, etc), gasoline for the car or a small generator. Considering the setting, the best bet would be to buckle down in the small college town, and try to make the one bedroom as defensible as possible. There’s no need to go somewhere more populated, and a secluded farm our character to just stumble upon would be unfeasible. It would be most reasonable to work with what we have, and set up defenses (barricading the doors, windows, etc). With the little money left over, weapons need to be bought. Guns in a liberal state such as Oregon will be expensive and hard to come buy. So our character should buy a baseball bat, rake, or an axe. Something with range but can be devastating to the brain. Once we have that radios, walkie talkies, flashlights and such will be luxuries, but our person may have them already or can scrap something together. Once our character has everything they need, and a defensible position, an escape route should be planned, just in case things go to shit. One that leads directly to a car that has emergency supplies and a sleeping bag. Our person should be good to go for now.

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  53. So based on what all is here and in DtrH:

    Food:

    Ramen and canned foods such as tuna, fruit or vegetables. Obviously small cans here since we have just a bike for transport or our own feet. Ramen is very light and you can make ramen sandwiches(put it in any water and let it get soggy, break the brick into two pieces and put the flavor pouch inbetween then eat). the carbs it has will give energy to keep us moving. Small tuna cans because of it’s protein encase of blood loss so we can get those levels back up. A can or two(small) of vegetables to keep from getting vitamin deficient. Alternative solution(well, a lot better anyways)would be a medium sized bottle of Centrum or any multi-vitamin. Other kinds of food we could forage for out in the wild or if we happen upon a small town in our travels and hope that there are still supplies in the markets around.

    Equipment:

    – LifeStraw(you know, that handy dandy straw that you can use to drink water out of any source you find? it’ll keep pathogens from wrecking our insides so we don’t get the runs or feel like crap)
    – Compound bow + a quiver of arrows(maybe at least 10 – 15 encase we loose some)
    It’s silent, doesn’t run out of ammo(unless the arrows are lost), great for hunting small game, etc… did I mention it’s silent?
    – Knife or machete w/ a whet stone for sharpening
    – Rope
    – Head band light(preferably solar rechargeable because of scarcity(possibility of)batteries)
    – Medium sized ruck sack
    – Sleeping bag
    – Collapse-able fishing pole + line and hooks(we’ll use worms and bugs for bait)
    – Camouflaged clothes and one of those cheap hunting/ghillie suits from Wal-Mart(since we don’t know how good their vision is, why don’t we keep it that way hmm?)
    – Ferro rod(because matches don’t work great and you’ll run out)
    – Small hand guide/pamphlet/book of edible flora and fauna
    – New set of hiking/mountain boots(steel toe preferred)
    * Since we are going to be doing a lot of traveling, might as well start it off right. Don’t forget to bring some mole skin to keep blisters at bay.
    – Swiss army knife
    – Watch(any will do but a water proof and shock proof would be preferred)
    – Compass
    – US Map
    – Scent cover up(stuff that hunters use to mask human scent)
    – Binoculars(if you can afford night vision ones that would be excellent)
    – Poncho(one of those cheap ones that you get from trail stores)
    – Hammock(if possible here. tie it up in the trees so we can keep of the ground since they can’t climb and we don’t get snakes or other unwanted guests into our sleeping bag.

    And whatever else you can think of here.

    Obviously we are going for stealth here and want to avoid ALL major cities and towns. We’ll be sticking to the wilderness and heading either north west towards the Rockies, north east towards the Appalachians, or north in general out into the wilds. Keep an ear out for possible settlements made by other survivors and mark them on our map. Avoid all confrontations with zeds unless there is no other way. Groups of three or more of them are to be avoided at all costs since they seem to have unlimited stamina and never fatigue. If we can find any silenced weapons or guns in our travels that would be excellent. Any ammo we find we could use to barter for supplies too.

    I’m sure I can think of more here but that will probably be later on.

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  54. I’m sure I can think of more here but that will probably be later on.

    – Small medical kit
    I can’t believe I forgot about this. Gauze, anti-septics, band-aids, finger cots, etc… Probably don’t need blood packs or an epipen(unless you are allergic to a lot of fauna and don’t know it). Some strong poison ivy/oak/sumac medicine too since we’ll be running into it until we get a bit above the Mason-Dixon line.
    – Small pack of flares

    I’m probably STILL forgetting things but I believe we have ourselves and our trek covered for now.

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  55. machete and the giant saints row three dildo

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  56. machete and the giant saints row three dildo and a bunch of sex slaves

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  57. fqtxvuqtmyhd

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  58. Since the outbreak hasn’t gone wild yet I would first, steal some kind of a truck. Something close to F-150. Since the world is gonna go to shit, stealing ins’t that terrible and it will be good for you to adapt to the world after shit hits the fan. Second, go to a grocery store of some sort, and buy as much canned food you can. Next up pass by gas station, fuel the truck up and bring some more fuel with you. Then, the guns. I recommend first of all getting a good melee weapon. A machete would be good, or a steal baseball bat, or even a big hammer. Something that can take out zombies quickly and without making too much noise. When taking about actual guns I would reccomend something that is precise and that can hold alot of ammo, but that also has a commom type of ammo. After the world goes to shit, in order for one to survive, you are gonna need to kill other people and those most like are also gonna have ammo and supplies. This is just my opinion and this is what I would do. It might fail miserably but it’s a fair try.

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  59. A person necessarily help to make critically posts I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your website page and thus far? I surprised with the research you made to make this actual submit amazing. Magnificent job!

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