Alien Isolation TLDR Review

yes we're that bored

yes, we’re that bored

Alien Isolation: Isolated from fun and strapped into spaceship repetition staffed by mouth breathing androids.The game starts off us with voice/lip-synching that’s so bad you can’t help but focus on it which immediately pulled me out of the “oh shit, I’m stranded on a ship with an alien” element.  Before long we have to go investigate another derelict vessel.  By derelict I mean someone on the ship told our ship to stay the fuck away and don’t come here.  Between the garbled comms message, wreckage strewn about in space, and the various gasses rapidly leaving the station, our crew makes the decision to board.  Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Turns out we’ve got a serial killer aka alien on board.  Oh, and a bunch of psychopath robots who refuse to look in lockers and nutter humans who are running and shooting up the place for god knows what reasons.  From here I spent a solid 4 hours navigating a twisting maze that I can only assume a spiteful engineer crafted from his worst nightmares.  I saw a few glimpses of an Alien and from what I understand it eventually starts hunting you more actively, but even playing on the hardest difficulty it only came out during a few scripted sequences.  During those sequences I was of course forced to sneak about, but the same was true regardless of whether or not the alien was around  because everyone on board has some reason to want me dead and I’m apparently the flattest foot this side of the milky way.

I can’t force myself to go back and find out what else happens.  At no point in time during my 4 hour tour of duty did I come anywhere close to experiencing a sensation outside the realm of bamboo shoots underneath my fingernails.  I didn’t feel afraid, I wasn’t scared, there was no action to be had and the story was presented with objectives painted on screen which I accomplished via duck walking around and checking counter tops and computer screens while I mashed my E button.

In other words, this is why gaming reviews/pr/hype is utter garbage and you can’t trust what anyone says with more than 4294 twitter subscribers (hurr da hurr).  There were shitbirds on Twitch playing this game wearing heartbeat monitors and going berserk.  At the moment the  gaming industry is the equivalent of a underage white suburban teenage girl who gets “drunk” off non-alcoholic drinks.  This applies both to people selling AND buying the products.  With the success of twitch/youtube, if you want to sell a game you would do well to let the legion of streamers/youtubers play and advertise it for you.  The streamers see boosts in revenue/viewers with over the top reactions and collaborating with other douchebags who do the same thing.  The harder you sell it (see fake it) the greater your views and the better your chances of being asked to do something similar in the future.  Both parties continue to fuck themselves and each other dry while viewers sit at home and eagerly clamor for seconds.  I’m stuck ranting and raving while I debate as to which group I hate more.

10 years ago I would’ve told you that being a gamer meant competing in CAL and if you weren’t good then your opinion really wasn’t worth the time it took you to spell it out anyway.  Clearly that definition doesn’t apply today, but I look around at most of my fellow “gamers” and it’s fucking embarrassing.  Yea, I’m an ubernerd who used to crush other lesser nerds in the cyber athlete amateur league and I’m the one who’s embarrassed.  Dev’s creating same flavor with different color material alongside the sellout hacks that advertise their games are killing my favorite hobby since age retarded.  I used to go to sleep and dream about crushing blocks with my fist and shooting fireballs.  Now I go to sleep and dream about pewdiepie being hit by a bus.

/rant

21 comments

  1. TLDR;
    ” I used to go to sleep and dream about crushing blocks with my fist and shooting fireballs. Now I go to sleep and dream about pewdiepie being hit by a bus.”
    I feel your pain Waldodude, I went from shitting on scrubs in Tribes 2 and dismantling entire clans to not even being able to get a 4:1 KD ratio vs lesser competition in COD.
    And it didn’t stop there. We got epic story games with great mechanics like DA:O, KOTOR and ME1 only to watch them evolve into disappointing step-children that you never wanted.

    Maybe its different for the younger generation, but I can’t find a newer game that has replay value anymore. Its very disappointing.

      (Quote)

  2. Alien: Isolation is pretty much the twitch/youtube fake screamer’s dream. An AAA horror title? Free new viewers! The reviews on it are a bit mixed funny enough. IGN even gave it a 5.9 and Gamespot a 6. WEIRD!

    What I’ve played from the game so far is pretty cool in terms of atmosphere (LOVE the old future tech just like in the movie), but I don’t think it can hold me for 10-20 hours. And I don’t like the overload of synthetic enemies it seems to have. It would’ve been much more interesting if the Alien was more involved in using it to kill the other hostile humans or the use of traps against the non-alien enemies (or be super ballsy and let the player straight up kill the alien to end the game early). Or maybe some more interaction with the friendly humans. Now it just doesn’t have enough for a full game.

    O, and talking about Baldurs Gate (super) Lite AKA DA:O: it’s free on Origin till Oct the 16th.

      (Quote)

  3. Those last 2 paragraphs, this is why I love you, Wally. Don’t have any desire to pick this one up now, it’s nice that I can come to a source of honesty and education for a game review instead of your usual bribed butt fuckery. Would of liked to have seen that rant in a rabbit hole video, though.

      (Quote)

  4. Would you like to start a video game publication with me?

      (Quote)

  5. i’m going to be a douchebag and counter your point. You said your idea of gaming or being a gamer was being competitive and good. If your definition is that is what a “gamer” is, then developers wouldn’t be able to sell shit. Not everyone plays games to be competitive and to be the best, a lot of people play just to have fun, they don’t give a fuck if they die 50 times over as long as they are having fun. You said so yourself on your drunk thursday stream where you played Battle Royale, “i don’t care about being the best anymore, i just want to have fun.” how are you supposed to have fun when you are busy having a cock measuring contest everytime you play a game? The reason COD is so popular to begin with is because anyone can play it and do good in it. It gives a sense of satisfaction. Imagine every single game out there was a competitive game. everyone would die constantly and no one would have fun, you get no satisfaction in an actual competitive game, unless you are actually good, and you win. Furthermore, people like pewdiepie appeal to the masses, whatever they do, they get a fuckton of money for. Who on earth would pass on the chance to play video games all day, fake some reactions and just be insane twats? They treat this youtube thing as a job, and the more views they pull in the more money they make. Doing shit like putting on a heart monitor is absurd, but it brings in the views. It is all a matter of perspective, really.

      (Quote)

  6. Uncle Creepy, I’ve missed you!

      (Quote)

  7. What I see with the games is always pieces of a good game to a lesser or greater degree. Games like this have a reasonably good visual element, and parts of the story aren’t bad. I don’t know whether it’s marketing driven delivery dates, overworked/understaffed development teams, trend towards early revenue competing with alpha/beta games, or straight-up apathy towards other aspects of the game.

      (Quote)

  8. I don’t like the idea of reviewing a game without finishing it or atleast playing it near the end. You were getting to a point where the game removes the training wheels and releases the alien. Admittedly 4 hours is a long time so it’s not a player’s fault if he loses the interest while roaming the empty corridors without a good glance of the alien itself.

    I kinda hope you’d give it a second chance, but i’ll doubt it and it doesn’t really matter, you play the games you enjoy and we’ll watch you play them even if we wouldn’t always enjoy them.
    Interesting read nonetheless

      (Quote)

  9. Gundogan:
    Alien: Isolation is pretty much the twitch/youtube fake screamer’s dream. An AAA horror title? Free new viewers! The reviews on it are a bit mixed funny enough. IGN even gave it a 5.9 and Gamespot a 6. WEIRD!

    What I’ve played from the game so far is pretty cool in terms of atmosphere (LOVE the old future tech just like in the movie), but I don’t think it can hold me for 10-20 hours. And I don’t like the overload of synthetic enemies it seems to have. It would’ve been much more interesting if the Alien was more involved in using it to kill the other hostile humans or the use of traps against the non-alien enemies (or be super ballsy and let the player straight up kill the alien to end the game early). Or maybe some more interaction with the friendly humans. Now it just doesn’t have enough for a full game.

    O, and talking about Baldurs Gate (super) Lite AKA DA:O: it’s free on Origin till Oct the 16th.

    They gave mediocre reviews when the game came out but they went full speed ahead on the hype train the entire way up until that point.

      (Quote)

  10. I picked up Alien Isolation today, and played about a hour or so more in from where you stopped your stream. I have it on the ps3 and for some reason the lip syncing was a lot better, so that made me happy. I feel like playing alone the game might have a bit better of an effect, because after 3 hours of looking at the same style hall ways I think I started to get weirded out by them. The Alien encounter you had from what I watched wasent scripted (There was only one right?). When I went through that area ( the one with the two people and the door that needs to be hacked) I was surprised that there was no alien there. I didn’t encounter the Alien to about a hour or so later, and like you said I wasn’t spooked by it. I feel that if anything the idea of the instant death sort of takes some of the fear factor out of it, because instead of trying to make some heat of the moment escape when the alien starts running for you, you sit there and wait to die. I also agree with your point of the humans and androids really have no reason to be killing you, and it makes the game feel that much more unorganized. Maybe if the devs had put more than one alien in the game, or gave the humans a more pressing fear it would explain their actions, but in game it just feels like a random obstacle to overcome. The button pressing definitely gets old after a while. I feel that this game really lacks a story, and because of that it feels like you are playing hide and seek as opposed to trying to find you mom or whatever its supposed to be about. Overall I recommend that maybe in your own time try sitting down, and playing it, and maybe turn down the difficulty, so there’s a better chance that you wont spend an hour hiding in a closet from the alien. I might be optimistic seeing as how the last Alien game that came out was even worst then this one, and because im a fan of the movies, so I would say its 7.8/10 as opposed to when I watched your stream of it, and seriously considered blowing my brains out. I understand the point you make in the last paragraph as many games are the same old bullshit, and I’m definitely not defending Alien Isolation when it comes to this, but as someone who has been waiting for a decent Alien game to release, I was pleased with this game Idea and details, but by no means blown away with the game play. Sorry for the long post.

      (Quote)

  11. Call Saul:
    i’m going to be a douchebag and counter your point. You said your idea of gaming or being a gamer was being competitive and good. If your definition is that is what a “gamer” is, then developers wouldn’t be able to sell shit. Not everyone plays games to be competitive and to be the best, a lot of people play just to have fun, they don’t give a fuck if they die 50 times over as long as they are having fun. You said so yourself on your drunk thursday stream where you played Battle Royale, “i don’t care about being the best anymore, i just want to have fun.” how are you supposed to have fun when you are busy having a cock measuring contest everytime you play a game? The reason COD is so popular to begin with is because anyone can play it and do good in it. It gives a sense of satisfaction. Imagine every single game out there was a competitive game. everyone would die constantly and no one would have fun, you get no satisfaction in an actual competitive game, unless you are actually good, and you win. Furthermore, people like pewdiepie appeal to the masses, whatever they do, they get a fuckton of money for. Who on earth would pass on the chance to play video games all day, fake some reactions and just be insane twats? They treat this youtube thing as a job, and the more views they pull in the more money they make. Doing shit like putting on a heart monitor is absurd, but it brings in the views. It is all a matter of perspective, really.

    I think you missed the entire point. He’s saying that was his belief 10 years ago. However I appreciate this treatise on that. keep on keeping on!

      (Quote)

  12. Nice to see you keep you keep your head high and give an honest opinion on a mediocre game Waldodude.
    I think that every fan of yours is reassured that there is at least one non corrupted semi professional reviewer out there. I can see the frustration you must feel re: the mindless twitch hype and circlejerking, maybe towards (not naming names) someone previously close who sold the fuck out and whores themselves for the twitch money now.
    All the best, Remember you’re the hero that games media needs not the one that they want.

      (Quote)

  13. per_merteswagger

    I remember watching the game live and it was so utterly boring that rather than talking about the game in chat, I was spewing random shit about other stuff. Honestly, I don’t blame Wally for stopping because four hours is a reasonable time frame for a game to capture your attention. As for Wally’s points about the devolution of gaming, its just how society works when something becomes massively profitable. Look at the development of smart phones and other devices compared to the old PDAs. The massive over simplification to attract a wider userbase is what companies aim for to maximise profit (Transformers for movies as well). I think the idea of preordering a game for a consumer is something of the past whilst gaming media becomes increasingly more incompetent (although I don’t think it was ever “decent”), however in terms of Wally growing his channel, he probably needs to play these triple A games on release.

    Keep up with the good work you dildo.

      (Quote)

  14. WaldoDude: They gave mediocre reviews when the game came out but they went full speed ahead on the hype train the entire way up until that point.

    True, although some gamewebsites are kinda moving away from that thankfully (IGN is still going full hype train ofcourse). They seem to start seeing that for example interviewing AAA developers is pointless since it’s all marketing and that doing all the hype stuff is hurting them later on when they need to review the game. And publishers are seeing this development too and are start doing the interviews themself (with often awkward results) or they are using youtubers for generating hype like you said.

    The last Giantbomb podcast goes into that a bit (near the end of it, 2h40m ish I think).

    http://www.giantbomb.com/podcasts/giant-bombcast-10-07-2014/1600-1027/

      (Quote)

  15. Call Saul:
    i’m going to be a douchebag and counter your point. You said your idea of gaming or being a gamer was being competitive and good. If your definition is that is what a “gamer” is, then developers wouldn’t be able to sell shit. Not everyone plays games to be competitive and to be the best, a lot of people play just to have fun, they don’t give a fuck if they die 50 times over as long as they are having fun. You said so yourself on your drunk thursday stream where you played Battle Royale, “i don’t care about being the best anymore, i just want to have fun.” how are you supposed to have fun when you are busy having a cock measuring contest everytime you play a game? The reason COD is so popular to begin with is because anyone can play it and do good in it. It gives a sense of satisfaction. Imagine every single game out there was a competitive game. everyone would die constantly and no one would have fun, you get no satisfaction in an actual competitive game, unless you are actually good, and you win. Furthermore, people like pewdiepie appeal to the masses, whatever they do, they get a fuckton of money for. Who on earth would pass on the chance to play video games all day, fake some reactions and just be insane twats? They treat this youtube thing as a job, and the more views they pull in the more money they make. Doing shit like putting on a heart monitor is absurd, but it brings in the views. It is all a matter of perspective, really.

    More or less what homelesssanta said. Being #1 meant a lot when I was 15 and not as much when I’m 32. When I was great I was rocking a 80:1 k/d ratio on vehicle friendly maps in BFV along with top flag captures. The difference between great and average today isn’t even measurable. What’s the fucking point in busting your balls when we know for a fact that it’s possible to smash the other team without killing anyone? Exhibit A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53ExcjcpnXU

    The reason games aren’t that way anymore was as you mentioned satisfaction. The other 31 players didn’t have fun being consistently roflstomped 10/10 times. You also argued that it’s a greater sense of satisfaction to pick up CoD and “do well”. Well, that’s what’s lead CoD to sell a billion copies annually because that’s what everyone else believes as well. The only problem is that it stunts growth/talent/potential etc. Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire wouldn’t be nearly as impressive if baseball fields were 25 feet long instead of ~350. If the 100m dash were now the 3m dash, a different winner would be crowned every single competition. If basketball hoops were 6 feet tall anyone could dunk, etc. Regardless of who “wins” it doesn’t necessarily make them talented. It’s a complete crapshoot.

    Who on earth would pass on a chance to play games all day and fake reactions and be insane twats? For starters, myself. In a world of nearly 7 billion people I’d like to think there are others although clearly the numbers go the other way. It’s disgusting and reprehensible because as I mentioned above, it’s killing my favorite hobby. Regardless it’s disingenuous and it’s why salesmen have sleazy reputations.

      (Quote)

  16. Elemental:
    Nice to see you keep you keep your head high and give an honest opinion on a mediocre game Waldodude.
    I think that every fan of yours is reassured that there is at least one non corrupted semi professional reviewer out there. I can see the frustration you must feel re: the mindless twitch hype and circlejerking, maybe towards (not naming names) someone previously close who sold the fuck out and whores themselves for the twitch money now.
    All the best, Remember you’re the hero that games media needs not the one that they want.

    It’s easy to keep your head held high when nobody is dangling a 20k paycheck in front of it. That said, short of someone throwing me $1.5 billion buckaroos, I literally couldn’t find the words to applaud a game like Alien Isolation or Shadows of Mordor without throwing in some form of criticism. It’s just not in my genes.

    I also wasn’t referring to he who shall not be named either. Drama is for my 50 something divorced co-workers who bitch and moan all god damn day. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back was actually watching the promo video for 5 nights at freddies on Steam. It features a number of popular youtube/twitch celebs and it was fucking disgusting. I swear to christ my autonomic left eye twitch is linked to how often I think about bullshit like this

      (Quote)

  17. Gundogan: True, although some gamewebsites are kinda moving away from that thankfully (IGN is still going full hype train ofcourse). They seem to start seeing that for example interviewing AAA developers is pointless since it’s all marketing and that doing all the hype stuff is hurting them later on when they need to review the game. And publishers are seeing this development too and are start doing the interviews themself (with often awkward results) or they are using youtubers for generating hype like you said.

    The last Giantbomb podcast goes into that a bit (near the end of it, 2h40m ish I think).

    http://www.giantbomb.com/podcasts/giant-bombcast-10-07-2014/1600-1027/

    I’m glad you pointed that out and I think it’s great, but while the financial incentive is there to do precisely the opposite I just don’t see it changing anytime soon. What I see happening is this becoming a thing of “look at me I’m so honest bro” but in reality still pulling the same shit all the while.

      (Quote)

  18. I concur although I want to point out that I did mention how much time I had in the game and that time was at least 4+ hours. Perhaps if I heard great things about the rest of the game I’d be interested but the first 4 hours was just too mind-numbing.

      (Quote)

  19. It’s always good to know that somewhere out there, Waldo is thinking similar things.

    You are my muse. My flame

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En88gSpLz6E

      (Quote)

  20. WaldoDude: More or less what homelesssanta said.Being #1 meant a lot when I was 15 and not as much when I’m 32.When I was great I was rocking a 80:1 k/d ratio on vehicle friendly maps in BFV along with top flag captures.The difference between great and average today isn’t even measurable.What’s the fucking point in busting your balls when we know for a fact that it’s possible to smash the other team without killing anyone? Exhibit A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53ExcjcpnXU

    The reason games aren’t that way anymore was as you mentioned satisfaction.The other 31 players didn’t have fun being consistently roflstomped 10/10 times.You also argued that it’s a greater sense of satisfaction to pick up CoD and “do well”.Well, that’s what’s lead CoD to sell a billion copies annually because that’s what everyone else believes as well.The only problem is that it stunts growth/talent/potential etc.Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire wouldn’t be nearly as impressive if baseball fields were 25 feet long instead of ~350.If the 100m dash were now the 3m dash, a different winner would be crowned every single competition.If basketball hoops were 6 feet tall anyone could dunk, etc.Regardless of who “wins” it doesn’t necessarily make them talented.It’s a complete crapshoot.

    Who on earth would pass on a chance to play games all day and fake reactions and be insane twats?For starters, myself.In a world of nearly 7 billion people I’d like to think there are others although clearly the numbers go the other way.It’s disgusting and reprehensible because as I mentioned above, it’s killing my favorite hobby.Regardless it’s disingenuous and it’s why salesmen have sleazy reputations.

    Are you not the guy who flunked out of the army and school? Face it Waldo you are mediocrity embodied, your only accomplishment was spending spending 100+ hours a week in your 20s on a game that was not very competitive at the time. You talk like it is some big accomplishment, but it is not. Becoming a nurse is somewhat commendable, but face it an american trained nurse (pretty sure you only have a diploma, not a degree) is shit tier compared to being a doctor, an engineer, a chemist, ect. At age 32 you should be embarrassed by writing this edgy drivel and take some time for introspection. Your life accomplishments are pathetic relative to the chip on your shoulder. Comparing video games to feats of athleticism or intelligence, you should feel bad and stupid. Well we know you are of low intelligence just by reading the shit you write, so low that you lack the self awareness to feel bad.

      (Quote)

  21. This article is intersted and I must to follow it.

      (Quote)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>